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 You know you're German if...


[  ] You separate your trash into more than five different bins.
[x] Your front door has a sign with your family name made from salt dough.
[  ] You carry a "4You" backpack.
[x] You eat a cold dinner at 6pm.
[x] You call your cell phone "handy" and a projector "beamer".
[x] You have no problems with nude beaches and saunas.
[  ] You have asked your Asian-American friend, "No, but where are you *really* from?"
[  ] You have gotten splinters from environmentally friendly toilet paper.
[  ] You call an afternoon stroll "Nordic Walking".
[x] You are shocked when you have to pay for dental care.
[x] You own a pair of jeans in a color other than blue.
[x] People start talking about Hitler and Hofbräuhaus when you tell them where you're from.
[x] Tenth grade was all about dancing lessons. [It would've been...]
[  ] You work 40 hour weeks and have 6 weeks of vacation a year, but complain about hard times.
[x] Your childhood diet consisted of Alete and Zwieback.
[x] Your college diet consisted of Miracoli and Döner.
[x] You were educated about sex by Dr. Sommer. [LONG LIVE DR. SOMMER!]
[  ] You yell at people for jaywalking.
[x] You grew up watching "Löwenzahn" and "Die Sendung mit der Maus".
[x] You think college tuition is an outrage.
[  ] You routinely go 100mph on the highway and tailgate heavily.
[  ] On your last day of every year you made your teachers sing Karaoke and jump through hoops.
[  ] You wear brown leather shoes.
[x] Your first audio tape was Benjamin Blümchen and Bibi Blocksberg.
[x] You have ended an English sentence with "..., or?".
[  ] You can tell at least one Manta joke.
[  ] You're a college student in your 11th year.
[x] Your first sexual experience was on SAT-1, Saturday night at 11pm. [Muahaha! Long live SAT1! =D]
[  ] You "drill" in your nose!
[x] You expect chocolate in your shoes on December 6th.
[  ] You complain that in other countries everything is dirty.
[x] You spent hours in school learning to pronounce "th".
[x] Taxi drivers drive Mercedes and the police on the Autobahn drive BMWs.
[x] You go to school in a "gymnasium".
[x] You answer the phone giving your surname.
[x] You say PorschE, not Porsh!
[x] You freak out at the fact that Canadians/ Americans/Brits use margarine for EVERYTHING... or:
[x] Ich ständig Nutella Brote verdrücke - I can't get enough Nutella sandwiches.
[x] You always have a pack of TEMPOS on you.
[x] You watch "Der 90.Geburstag - Dinner for One" on New Year's Eve every year and can still laugh about it. [DINNER FOR ONE IS AMAZING! EVERYONE WHO HASN'T SEEN IT IS COMMITTING A CRIME!]
[x] You burst into tears of happiness when you find that the Lidl markets in the UK sell Fleischsalat, not forgetting Salami, German yoghurts, German bread mix and so on!
[x] You think there is nothing wrong with dark brown tiles in your bathroom.
[x] You know who Jim Knopf and Urmel are.
[  ] You don't use anything but the finest Diddl Maus stationary
[x] You have guests coming and everything must be cleaned so it is pikobello sauber....
[x] There is no such thing as BBQ only grillen
[  ] There is only one Rudi Voeller. [Frig you, Rudi...]
[x] The cold evening meal is eaten off wooden boards not plates.
[x] You are looking for the "esszett" i.e. ß on your keyboard
[x] You know what Das Sandmännchen is.
[x] You can identify with movies like: Die Fetten Jahre sind vorbei, Sonnenallee, Good Bye Lenin...
[  ] You have been tortured with "Kabale und Liebe" during your Abitur.
[x] You always fold your Tetra Pak before you throw it in the appropriate bin.
[  ] Most, if not all, of your childhood songs were by "Rolf Zuckowski und seine Kinder"
[x] You learned all about traffic safety through songs by Rolf Zuckowski
[x] You eat raw pork with raw egg... mmmh, lecker Hackepeter
[x] Everybody calls you "zee german" and thinks that you LOVE sauerkraut and sausages...
[  ] You think you have less public holidays than other countries when in fact you have more!
[  ] You own a David Hasselhoff tape
[x] You just don't get baseball and think it's boring
[x] You serve/ make a pasta salad for every occasion.
[x] You speak English but the German way...even when it sounds strange e.g. 'everything in order by you?'
[  ] You only drink Sprudel Wasser and you add it to every other liquid you drink and call it Schorle!
[x] You like to eat your french fries with mayonaise and are revolted by the thought of vinegar on them.
[x] You keep going on about the ear worm that you currently have and people look at you like you have some tropical disease.
[x] You think stores are closed on Sundays apart from the local railway station store (in most probability LIDL)
[x] You confuse your "if" and "when".... ;-)
[  ] You watched GZSZ or Marienhof as a teenager.
[  ] You cringe when you hear the English version of 99 Luftballons - 99 Red Balloons.
[x] You say: "Hier sieht's aus wie bei Hempels unter'm Sofa!"
[x] The concept of small talk still puzzles you
[x] You laugh when other people get hurt, because Schadenfreude ist die schönste Freude
[  ] You’re the only one recycling not just bottles and cans but also light bulbs, water filters, batteries, printer cartridges …
[x] 7You don't understand the joke "Don't mention the War"
[x] You reuse the plastic bags from the supermarket for your rubbish
[x] Being on time means 15 minutes earlier to you
[x] You actually understand the lyrics of Rammstein and the double meanings. [LOVE RAMMSTEIN!]
[x] You know German bands like Tokio Hotel or Cinema Bizarre who are breaking around the world incl. the USA http://tokiohotelus.com/blog/?p=341
[x] You know who Heino is (and Hannelore - his wife)
[x] You wonder why all those people are standing waiting in line when it's easier to walk straight to the front
[x] You do not understand why your German ID with your address is not good enough to open a UK bank account but your water bill is
[x] You find it strange that Nov 11 is Remembrance Day (UK) and noone is cutting guys' ties
[  ] You advise others to park their cars so that exhausts face the road to protect buildings from the fumes
[  ] You complain about people that just sit in their car with the engine running
[  ] You switch off your car at the traffic lights
[  ] You just can't stand the taste of Marmite
[x] You can't stand the sloppy white British/American bread - the one where you try to spread your Nutella and it falls apart!
[x] You have 2 different types of toothpaste, one for the morning and one for the evening.
[  ] You smash plates and saw logs a wedding
[x] Nuts & raisins are something that only German students are meant to eat (Studentenfutter)
[  ] You have a compulsive feeling to correct things that are wrong - Ordnung muß sein!
[x] You still differentiate between West Germans and East Germans (Wessis & Ossis) after xx years of reunification!
[  ] You watched "Brummkreisel" and the Czech version of "Aschenbroedel" on GDR1 and GDR2 even though you lived in the West
[  ] You know who the Kelly Family are.
[x] You greet everyone in a doctors' waiting room with a friendly "Guten Tag!"
[x] You always complain about Dutch caravans on German "Autobahnen"
[  ] You can't laugh at British humour e.g. Fawlty Towers
[  ] When you go to the theatre and it's empty, you still look where your assigned seat is.
[x] You own a bicycle that brakes when you try to peddle backwards
[  ] You know at least 15 different ways to cook potatoes
[x] You are really upset when the Deutsche Bahn is yet again 5 minutes late. [DB sucks.]
[x] You feel uncomfortable saying "you" to adults in English classes.
[x] You're the only one knocking on your desk after a lecture to show your appreciation while everyone else stares at you.
[x] You switch the light off when you leave a room.
[x] You wish every person around you "Mahlzeit" (="mealtime" when eating.
[  ] You have a sense of guilt/shame when you say that you are proud to be German
[x] You don't cross your fingers but "press your thumbs"
[x] Your CV/resumé is a book that consists not only your previous work experience, but also your last 3 report cards, all of your previous job report cards, what your mother and father do for a living (not to mention what your siblings do and whether they're single, married, etc.), a photo of yourself (if not a couple), your religious beliefs... the list goes on!
[x] You know the Knigge way of how to eat "correctly" with your knife and fork
[x] You freak out when you don't find Lakritz and Ritter Sport in the local pharmacy
[x] The sentence "you can say you to me" makes perfect sense to you.
[x] You have a blue eye instead of a black eye.
[x] You love your Apfelschorle (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apfelschorle)
[x] You grew up playing "Mensch Ärgere Dich Nicht!" (=Human, don't anger yourself!)
[x] You ask whether there is anything left to do at work, and your colleagues stare at you, simply because you can't stand being idle.
[x] When you were a kid, you used to pay for your "Waldmeisterbechereis" with 6 Groschen.
[x] You clap when your plane lands.
[  ] When in the UK, you get goosebumps on a cold day when all around are wearing shorts and t-shirts...
[x] You grew up drinking Malzbier
[x] You get a "Schultüte" when you first start school.
[x] You write your Nouns with capital Letters when writing in english... and your Nationalities and Languages begin with a small letter!
[x] You say "Guten Appetit" before lunch and dinner, but NEVER before breakfast.
[x] It's your birthday and YOU are paying for the drinks!
[x] You call a man's testicles eggs instead of nuts.
[x] You have 2 sets of tires for your car, one for the summer and one for winter.
[  ] You can't laugh at yourself.
[  ] You have this overwhelming urge to sweep the street or the pavement/sidewalk outside your house.
[x] You know that "all men are pigs" and that Anton is from Tirol.
[  ] You miss your Weihnachtspyramide, Schwippbogen, Herrnhuter Stern etc.
[  ] You think putting milk in your tea is abnormal
[x] You don't DO the laundry, you MAKE the laundry.

You understand the following:
[x] Your English is under all pig!
[x] To have a jump in the dish.
[x] To have much wood before the cottage.
[x] To have not all cups in the board.
[x] "If you think, you can beat me over the ear, you are on the woodway."
[x] It's me sausage/ it's me s** equal!
[x] I'd like to become a hamburger with chips
[x] You can me three times crosswise!
[x] I have the snout painted full
[x] Finding an excuse faster than a mouse finds a hole
[x] You have shot in the waffle
[x] I believe I spider!
[x] I break together!
[x] My english is so good that makes me nobody after!
[x] I throw myself away!
[x] I believe my pig's whistling!

108 / 150 = 72% German!

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